What to Expect in Your First Couples Counselling Session

Starting couples therapy can feel like a big step, but it’s also an act of care for yourselves, each other and the relationship.

If you’re thinking about booking your first couples counselling session, chances are things haven’t been feeling great between you and your partner. Maybe you’re stuck in the same arguments on repeat. Maybe there’s been distance, betrayal, or just that heavy silence that says “we’re not okay.” Reaching out for help can feel daunting, especially when you’re not quite sure what to expect. Or perhaps you’ve tried counselling before and it didn’t feel right for you.

So, let’s demystify that first session with Vanessa Wylie Counselling so you both know what to expect.

1. You don’t need to come with pre-prepared content

Your job is simply to show up as you are.

My job is to meet you where you’re at.

I’ll help guide the conversation by creating a space that feels safe, respectful and constructive for both of you.

Think of it as a guided conversation with someone who’s trained to help you both feel heard, get unstuck, and make sense of the deeper dynamics underneath the day-to-day tension.

2. We will explore your conflict

In that first session, I pay attention to more than just the surface issues. Drawing from evidence-based research, I’m listening for the pattern you’ve likely been caught in for a while – the push-pull, the shutdown, the blame, the longing.

We’ll explore how each of you has been protecting yourselves in the relationship and what vulnerable feelings might be driving those protective moves. Maybe one of you withdraws to avoid conflict while the other raises their voice to feel heard. These moves make sense in context, but they can also trap you in cycles of disconnection.

My job isn’t to judge or pick a side – it’s to help you both see the relationship dance you’re in, and start learning new steps that bring more honesty, empathy and accountability to the relationship.

3. We get clear on what you both want from each other and therapy

One of the most important parts of our first session is understanding what’s brought you here, and what each of you is hoping to change. You might not agree on everything, and that’s okay.

I’ll help you clarify your goals and your vision of a secure relationship – whether it’s to rebuild trust, argue less, reconnect emotionally or decide on the future of the relationship.

4. It’s okay to feel nervous or emotional

People often feel anxious before that first session, especially if emotions have been running high at home. Sometimes there are tears, sometimes awkward silences, and sometimes a bit of humour or even relief (yes, laughter is welcome here too). Whatever shows up is welcome. You're both human. I’m here to support you through the hard parts with compassion and curiosity.

5. You’ll leave with more clarity

The first few sessions are an opportunity for me to assess how things are in your relationship. In upcoming sessions, I’ll also ask about your family history and previous significant relationships to understand how past experiences shape your present connection.

By the end of our first session, I’ll have a clearer sense of what’s happening in your relationship and will be working towards options for moving forward. I’ll usually offer some insights into your relational patterns so you can begin preparing for your second visit.

Final Thoughts
Starting couples therapy can feel like a big step, but it’s also an act of care for yourselves, each other and the relationship. You don’t need to have it all figured out before you come in. Just come as you are.

Still on the fence? That’s okay.
Even making the enquiry is a step toward change. If you’re feeling stuck, unsure, or simply curious about whether therapy could help, I’d love to hear from you. I offer a free 15-minute enquiry call so you can see if we are a good match.

Book Your First Session Here

Vanessa Wylie Counselling – Relationship Therapy for Individuals and Couples

In-person Individual, Relationship & Couples/Marriage Counselling in Toorak, Melbourne and by Telehealth (sessions offered Australia Wide)

🖥 www.vanessawyliecounselling.com
📧 vanessawylie@vanessawyliecounselling.com.au

Let’s take that first step together.